What is the difference between a female lawyer and a bulldog?

Lipstick!!!

What is the problem with lawyer jokes?

Lawyers don't think they're funny and no one else thinks they're jokes.

What is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. the other is a fish.

What do you call a bus load of lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

How many lawyer jokes are there?

Just two. All the rest are true.

What is a criminal lawyer?

Redundant.

How do you save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.

Why does California have the most attorneys, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps?

New Jersey had first pick.

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?

A Doberman pinscher.

What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a Bar Association convention?

The caterer.

How does a pregnant lady know she is going to give birth to a future lawyer?

She gets a terrible craving for bologna.

How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?

Three---One to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company.

What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand.

Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one; once launched, they can't be recalled; and when they land, they screw everything up for the next 20 years.