Why is the coach of the Cincinnati Bengals like Billy Graham?

Because they are the only two people in the world who can put fifty thousand people in a stadium and within a few minutes have them all saying Jesus Christ.

Why is the Cincinnati Bengal defense like a bad tampon?

Because it always gets penetrated during the first period.



      During the last ten years the Cincinnati Bengals have not just been the joke of the NFL they have been the joke of the United States professional sports world. The record since 1991 speaks for itself. A 47-113 won lost record. Six times in 10 years the Bengals have begun the season 0-6. In ten years the Bengal have never even been within hailing distance of the much watered down NFL playoffs. Throughout the last ten years players and coaches have come and gone for the Bengals but the one constant has been owner and general manager Mike Brown. Thus we have the rather bizarre spectacle of not one not two but three Cincinnati Bengals fans' grass roots web sites ( MikeBrownSucks.com , Down with Mike Brown!!!, Mike Brown's clowns) devoted to unceremoniously cajoling Mike Brown to relinquish control of the team.
      Mike Brown took over the team in 1991 after the death of his father Paul Brown. Paul Brown was a true legend, not just in the football world but his coaching innovations are still used today in all sports. He was the first man to understand the relationship between sex and athletic performance. He forbid his players to have sex during the season. This rule was widely ignored by his players, but Coach Brown strictly enforced this rule in the two or three days prior to gameday, wives and girlfriends were forbidden to accompany players to away games. He was also the first coach to control his players' diet during the season. He also initiated such innovations as the messenger guard to bring in plays called from the sideline. After being inexcusably fired from the Cleveland Browns team in 1963 which he founded and which bears his name, Paul Brown founded the Cincinnati Bengals and continued the perpetual success that marked his years with the Browns.
      It can't be easy being the son of a legend, but it must be ten times worse to step into the shoes of your legendary father and be such a dismal failure ( at least in terms of won-lost record ). Mike Brown may well be a good and intelligent man but he is clearly not cut out to run a football team. If he was not the owner and son of the legend Mike Brown the general manager would have been replaced years ago.

If you want to read about Paul Brown I suggest the book Pb: The Paul Brown Story. This book is worth reading even if you are not interested in football or sports.

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