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"Demented News" in Real Audio!
"Demented News" Reports in RealAudio!

UPDATED 6/28/09

Complete "Demented News" reports are STREAMING in RealAudio!
Here's an archive of requested favorites and recent reports.


THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" REPORT IS HERE!
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THE MOST REQUESTED "DEMENTED NEWS"! LISTEN!
Warning! It's a Whimsical Will tirade!!

ANOTHER RECENT "DEMENTED NEWS" LISTEN!
The oh-so-demented tale of dueling talking poo!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
This one's for Roadrunner of San Diego, CA: Paramount sues author over book, "How to Have a Romantic Relationship with a 'Star Trek' Fan"; Klingon language lessons revisted; and a 9-year-old Whimsical Will voices the role of "Young Spock"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" FAVORITE! LISTEN!
Not one, but TWO (count 'em!) stories of exploding toilets and news of extended-life underwear with THREE (count 'em!) leg holes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST! LISTEN!
Dementoid Matt requested this report from April, 1995, which features a young Whimsical Will as "Christopher Robin"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST! LISTEN!
Dementoid Deven Combs requested this report from 1998 on the changing value of pi!

REQUEST -- "ROCK RAP" LISTEN!
Okay, so it's not a "Demented News" report, but long-time Dementoid Benn Allen was kind enough to remember my "Rock Rap" from 1987 (which tells a twisted tale using more than 200 names of rock artists), so I thought I'd upload it here!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/6/08 LISTEN!
7/6/08: Monks chant CD helps cheese age at Austrian dairy farm; UK woman trapped in clothes dryer!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/13/08 LISTEN!
7/13/08: Cell phone recharges with dance power; UK boy obsessed with lawn mowers!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/20/08 LISTEN!
7/20/08: UK dentist sings opera, gets record deal; Mimi's beach report!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/27/08 LISTEN!
7/27/08: Woman calls police on guest who won't stop talking; CA woman tries to kill mice with gun!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/3/08 LISTEN!
8/3/08: UK retailer charges extra for large bras; octopi given Rubik's Cubes in dexterity test!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/10/08 LISTEN!
8/10/08 (report from 2003): "Meowlingual" translates cat sounds into human language; fight breaks out over wrong note in German orchestra!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/17/08 LISTEN!
8/17/08: New Zealand girl named "Talulah Does the Hula in Hawaii" changes moniker; man ejected from Atlantic City casino due to body odor!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/24/08 LISTEN!
8/24/08: UK grandfather brought out of coma upon hearing "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction"; inflatable church on Italian beach!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/31/08 LISTEN!
8/31/08: Giant, inflatable dog turd runs amok outside Swiss museum; Man dressed in Winnie-the-Pooh costume arrested in Japan for attacking gawkers!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/7/08 LISTEN!
9/7/08: "Grammar Vigilantes" correct errors on public signs; NC man catches record-breaking catfish using daughter's Barbie fishing pole!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/14/08 LISTEN!
9/14/08: New Zealand kindergarten party shut down by authorities; Wisconsin woman pummels husband with tomatoes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/21/08 LISTEN!
9/21/08: Cross-dressing purse snatcher drops fake breast at scene of crime; results of the annual Stiletto Heel Race!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/28/08 LISTEN!
9/28/08: Wisconsin man has eaten 23,000 Big Macs; Tooth Fairy is latest victim of credit crunch!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/5/08 LISTEN!
10/5/08: UK man hangs upside down to protest rising living costs; asphalt grooved to play "William Tell Overture" when car tires roll over it!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/12/08 LISTEN!
10/12/08: Nude skater on Oregon streets; fast-food junkies celebrate wedding with 42-pound cheeseburger!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/19/08 LISTEN!
10/19/08: Kansas gym's security cameras capture ghostly images; woman jailed for haunting Italian castle!

[No 10/26/08 "Demented News" report]

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/2/08 LISTEN!
11/2/08: "Stayin' Alive" disco rhythm is ideal beat for CPR; Bee Gees lyrics compared to great literary works!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/9/08 LISTEN!
11/9/08: Astronomers record sounds of stars; most creative time of day is 10:04 p.m.!

[No 11/16/08 "Demented News" report]

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/23/08 LISTEN!
11/23/08: Vietnam lifts ban on small-busted drivers; Denmark artists create walking house!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/30/08 LISTEN!
11/30/08: At the mall during an economic crisis!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/7/08 LISTEN!
12/7/08: At Santa's Workshop during an economic crisis!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/14/08 LISTEN!
12/14/08: It's my "Christmas Cut-Up" from 2002!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/21/08 LISTEN!
12/21/08: It's my "Christmas Cut-Up" from 1985!

[No 12/28/08 "Demented News" report]

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/4/09 LISTEN!
1/4/09: Snake in computer printer; pre-chewed pencils for sale to students!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/11/09 LISTEN!
1/11/09: Man shoots fellow moviegoer for talking during film; Burger King selling meat-scented cologne!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/18/09 LISTEN!
1/18/09: Remembering a 2001 demented job market report!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/25/09 LISTEN!
1/25/09: Mexico's chewing gum epidemic; Romanian woman gets can of hairspray stuck in butt!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/1/09 LISTEN!
2/1/09: Lithuanian debt collector hires witch to hunt down delinquents; remembering the kilt-wearing debt collector!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/8/09 LISTEN!
2/8/09: Nigerian police hold goat for robbery; German fire station burns down!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/15/09 LISTEN!
2/15/09: Japan discovers gold in sewage; ghostly sightings at UK hospital!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/22/09 LISTEN!
2/22/09: Monty Python's "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" named top alternative funeral song in UK; Dutch philosophy student with stinky feet wins right to attend classes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/1/09 LISTEN!
3/1/09: UK man arrested for whistling "Addams Family" theme to neighbors; Florida man called 911 over Burger King order!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/8/09 LISTEN!
3/8/09: Electric hamsters; skunk closes Pennsylvania library; mice infestation in Florida courthouse!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/15/09 LISTEN!
3/15/09: Kennedy Center pipe organ making embarrassing noises; casket auctions on the rise; Arthur Fonzarelli arrested!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/22/09 LISTEN!
3/22/09: Man refuses to remove clothes at Australian nudist party, causes riot; Liverpool motorist stopped for driving while laughing!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/29/09 LISTEN!
3/29/09: Quilter's Home magazine features nudity; Conch Shell Blowing Contest!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/5/09 LISTEN!
4/5/09: Cell phone obsession; text messages from plants; boob job special!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/12/09 LISTEN!
4/12/09: Studying the smells of outer space with Popsicle Phil; odor-free underwear on the International Space Station!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/19/09 LISTEN!
4/19/09: Colorado man has nail lodged in face for 30 years, doesn't know it; German man tries to shoplift 68 tubes of toothpaste in his clothing!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/26/09 LISTEN!
4/26/09: Croatian gardener attacked by drunken tennis player over noisy lawnmower; Welsh farmers' Extreme Sheepherding!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/3/09 LISTEN!
5/3/09: Prenatal MP3 player wraps around expectant mother's stomach; New Jersey thief steals frozen food!

[The 5/10/09 "Demented News" was pre-empted to make way for my 24th-annual summer movie adventure, "Keep On Trekkin'"!]

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/17/09 LISTEN!
5/17/09: Thieves steal all the road signs in a Pennsylvania township; How to speak Klingon!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/24/09 LISTEN!
5/24/09: China orders government workers to smoke; vandal covered in pudding and spray paint!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/31/09 LISTEN!
5/31/09: Tractor doubles as drum machine; robber uses concealed banana!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/7/09 LISTEN!
6/7/09: 250-pound, German prostitute shakes apartment building; Dallas couple find Cheeto that looks like Jesus!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/14/09 LISTEN!
6/14/09: Ohio inmates grow their own food; assault claim filed over unwanted high-five!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/21/09 LISTEN!
6/21/09: Vatican Radio goes commercial; Kentucky pastor invites congregation to bring guns to church!

THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/28/09 LISTEN!
6/28/09: Fox accused of stealing 100+ pairs of shoes from German town; Florida driver fails breathalyzer test and says car did not know what it was doing!


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