Wednesday, 15 April
Van Lines,
Stemmings, as far as I'm concerned, could not have found his ruin quickly enough. He was an inveterate lout, not deserving of the riches his father Stemmings the Elder left him, after the accident with the whaling speargun left him incontinent, incoherent, and very nearly intestate. Or perhaps I am mistaking him for his brother, whom you now inform me was not in fact his brother but rather a freebooter, a man of adventure after the fashion of such pulpy fictional creations as The Mystery Pope, Half-Moon-san, The Fantastic Doctor Vicious (Master of Men), and of course H. L. Menckenberg's Arlak! Caucasian King of the Niger.
It always come down to money, does it not? Money money money. Money money money money money money money. Money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money, and I think you know what I'm getting at.
Speaking of which, Stetson Launderer -- is he new money or old? I wish to know how much weight to impart to his latest intelligence: that he is informed by Tinkerton Gerbilbait III V that the man we so carefully chose to be our leader pro tem has been observed behaving in a less-than-gentlemanly fashion, like unto any ordinary member of the voting constituency? I say, should this become common knowledge, it will be that much more difficult to maintain the Secret Gap of the Elite: why, the very reason men like him are selected by us and placed in positions of seeming power is that we may behave in just the manner of which he is accused, and do so with impunity! If these accusations are true, he must be removed and forcibly reminded that he is not truly one of us. Hmph! the very idea! We might as well simply run things ourselves, and you remember how that worked out last time it was tried.
But, most importantly, precisely what did Tinkerton Gerbilbait III have in mind when he became so enamoured of his name and no. that he felt it necessary to bequeath it wholesale on all his decendants, sons and daughters alike? I must needs laugh -- I seem to recall you at one time having eyes for the hypothetically winsome Miss Tinkerton Gerbilbait III III...
Club dues down the sewer grate, eh? Whatever christens your liner, pops.
In vino veritas,
Dr. Antibody
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