Wednesday, 9 April

Timely:

So much to digest for one with so much on my mind! Each sentence packed with a minimum of three facts not previously known. I have taken your letter and laid it out on a tracing table. I have inserted a complex grid over its face and begun to diagram it in a way that will make it easier for me to fully comprehend all of its nuances and jukes.

If you insist I was in Bangkok then I suppose I was. I do recall being in Dien Bien Phu with the French in '54 during their little miscalculation regarding the locals. (It was I who suggested to them that they drop that superfluous 'h' from the end of Viet Minh--this under a flag of truce. They responded with bursts from their varied but accurate weapons.)

But Bangkok? That seems unlikely. I am not one for "vacationing," preferring to take other temporary jobs during my vacation time. It is by this ingenious method that I get "paid twice" for only doing one job. If more were like me think how much extra work would get done! Tunnels could be dug under every body of water now extant. Forest floors could be "spruced up" (ooh, I've punned, owe you a Coke), with all those needles and leaves and such raked into neat piles and burned. Every grave could be disinterred for a right good cleaning of the coffins and contents. Of course, all the amusement parks would close and lifeguards would be out of jobs, but all plans are not without side effects.

Barston Snelf, the world's most jealous man, also started a rumor about our friend and fellow club member, Roberto Cumbersly...something to the effect that R.C. had a multiple personality disorder and was seen on several occasions presiding over "naughty auctions" in the character of a fast-talking Cajun named LeTrec Robideaux. Honestly, why does the membership board tolerate such behavior? Might it have something to do with Snelf's dossier on the board's barnyard shenanigans? I think we both know the answer to that.

Another quick remedy to the curled-kipper problem: take the truss rod from an electric guitar and run it the length of fish body. When cooking commences and the curling starts, adjust the rod accordingly to counter the action.

Yours,

Cantinflas