Tuesday, 1 April

Dear Everyman:

So, the titles I have requested are out of print? Doesn't that just "figure?" I finally find books simple enough for me to comprehend and they have all been purchased by others before me. I tell you Gustav, this has been the story of my life to date: poor timing.

Regarding timing, I believe I have some interesting news about your so-called "$5." The World Bank, a sound institution with which you may be familiar, clearly states that for the three years leading up to each new millennium, all debts are, and I am quoting here from the infamous CODEX BANCO INTERRUPTI, "...automatically re-reversed on a simultaneously random/sliding method...." This is to say, the debts of the debtor become the debts of the lender which are then transferred to another party's debt. The simple shakedown is this: it is you who now owe me the sum of $345, the former debt of one Scarbic Wince, a carnival barker from Little Alps, Colorado. My debt of $5, or $13 as you would have it, is now the responsibility of a Siamese twin tandem in Bangladesh. They owe the money to Mr. Wince's banker, A. B. Sweeny. It's all quite simple if you get to know the C.B.N. as well as I.

As for the matter of the fuzzy thing in the popcorn I'm afraid I must plead guilty as charged. Oh how the children screamed! They were good sports and, after all, I did take care of the doctor bills.

For the love of charity,

e...e...i'm cumming